I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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