Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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