I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
