we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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