Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
