I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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