one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
