Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize