I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
