he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
do herpes really smell.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
