i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
