Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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