I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
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