Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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