so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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