he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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