First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
