I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
