Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
