Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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