You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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