dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
