time to smoke my breakfast
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
