I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
