I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
