You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
