I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
