I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
