I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
