Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
