it was like his penis was on wheels.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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