Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
