Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize