i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
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