Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
