apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I am available for nakedness
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
