I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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