she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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