Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
