so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
