dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
