some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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