i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i wish my penis had a tongue
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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