Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
