I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
