how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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