Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
