You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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