It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
