By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Randomize
