gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
