ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize