I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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