clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
