sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
