look no pants
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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