I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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