She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize