Your tits are I can't wait for
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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