Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
