When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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